Bad Blogger
Dear children,
I'm a bad blogger lately. Not because you are any less cute or interesting than you were this time last year. No you are just as cute, if not cuter and absolutely more interesting. But I'm busy and have had writer's block for several months.
This is my most persistent case of writer's block - ever. Waiting for it to pass isn't working, so I think I might have to write my way out. Writing my way out involves forcing myself to write even when the topics are meaningless. So get ready for posts about trains, planes, guys in airports and ... see I can't even think of anything to list.
Let me catch you up on the last few weeks...
Pain
I'm working with a new neurologist to get the headaches under control. They reached a fever pitch this spring. Day after day of the worst pain I've had in years and I'm used to living with a lot of pain, so that's really saying something. First I got mad. Then I got worried. Then I had an MRI that confirmed I still do not have any tumors, lesions or fluid on my brain. Then I was relieved that I was not, in fact, dying, Then I got mad again.
Anger inspires me, apparently, because it got me moving. I was determined to find a doctor who could help me.
After many years of testing out doctors, I may have finally found a good one. I like her. She seems smart and seems to understand that I am smart. She talks to me like I'm smart.
She can't answer the question of why I have all this pain, other than to say I have chronic pain and it sucks. But maybe, just maybe, we can figure out how to make it suck less.
I've been working with her for 2 months and had 18 pain free days last month. 18!!! It's kind of a miracle. I haven't had 18 pain free days in years.
At my last appointment she told me her goal was to get me to the point of having a headache once every 2-3 months. I didn't even know what to say to that. "Does that sound good?" she said. "That sounds astounding," I said.
Good days make the bad days worse. It's weird, actually. I would have thought that any good days would be great. That I'd be happy if I could just get 2 or 3 in a row. But getting a taste of good days makes the bad days feel a thousand times more defeating. So I find myself making a greater effort to be positive and hopeful, to exercise my faith as I face what is inevitably a very long road to getting all this pain under control. But 18 days. Wow.
Cub O Ree
We survived another Cub O Ree. Holy cow Cub O Ree is so much work. The kitchen looked horrible last week as we worked every night, cutting drilling and assembling catapults. Sawdust on the floor, on the table - ugh. The girls asked me if we were ever going to eat at the table again.
But we did it. Chad did a ton of work helping me get ready. We had a great turn out. Friday night we got over 90 boys through the Engineering class and they passed off everything that needed to be done to complete that activity.
I worried about Saturday. We had to run two booths this year, and I was nervous that we wouldn't have any help. I was proven so very wrong. There was someone from every ward there during their assigned time to help us staff those booths. It was awesome.
We went to lunch on Saturday after the event was over and I was talking to Chad about different booths we could do next year. "Why are we talking about this now?"chad asked.
"I just think we should do some new stuff next year."
"It's a year away. We haven't even unpacked the car yet."
So true. But I still had my scout shirt on and when you've got the shirt on you just keep thinking.
Warm Air
The air conditioner broke last Friday. Chad came home early to help me with Cub O Ree and it was 82 in the house. He started trying to figure out what was wrong. Chad and I said a few snippy things to each other. Then the AC repair guy came out and had the thing fixed in about 5 mins. Some part in the outdoor unit had gone bad. "It's normal," Repair guy says. "They wear out. You have to replace them every 20 years or so."
Every 20 years? Or 6. This AC is 6 years old. The 20 year part wore out in 6 years. Sigh. Of course it did.
5 mins. $450.
Ice
The icemaker in the fridge broke recently too. When I called to schedule the repair they asked me if I was sure it was broken. "Well I'm not SURE, but now instead of making ice it just spits water out all over the inside of the freezer. That water freezes and I have to use a metal spatula to scrape it out." I'm no expert, but I'd call that broken.
First we just tried to live without ice. That lasted about a week. You don't realize how much you use something until you don't have it.
Then we bought bagged ice for a couple of weeks. That wasn't bad. But bagged ice doesn't regenerate itself, which is a bummer.
Finally I got around to calling the repair man. He came. It took him about 5 mins to fix it. It cost...
Oh you guessed it $450.
I'm sensing a theme here.
So to tie this all up...I'm looking forward to a life of managed pain in which I will not have to plan major cub scout events and will be able to sit in a cool house, sipping iced beverages.
Hmmm...all that writing and I don't think it made a dent in my writer's block. But if I wait 5 mins, I'll probably pay myself $450, so that's something.
Love,
Your mother
I'm a bad blogger lately. Not because you are any less cute or interesting than you were this time last year. No you are just as cute, if not cuter and absolutely more interesting. But I'm busy and have had writer's block for several months.
This is my most persistent case of writer's block - ever. Waiting for it to pass isn't working, so I think I might have to write my way out. Writing my way out involves forcing myself to write even when the topics are meaningless. So get ready for posts about trains, planes, guys in airports and ... see I can't even think of anything to list.
Let me catch you up on the last few weeks...
Pain
I'm working with a new neurologist to get the headaches under control. They reached a fever pitch this spring. Day after day of the worst pain I've had in years and I'm used to living with a lot of pain, so that's really saying something. First I got mad. Then I got worried. Then I had an MRI that confirmed I still do not have any tumors, lesions or fluid on my brain. Then I was relieved that I was not, in fact, dying, Then I got mad again.
Anger inspires me, apparently, because it got me moving. I was determined to find a doctor who could help me.
After many years of testing out doctors, I may have finally found a good one. I like her. She seems smart and seems to understand that I am smart. She talks to me like I'm smart.
She can't answer the question of why I have all this pain, other than to say I have chronic pain and it sucks. But maybe, just maybe, we can figure out how to make it suck less.
I've been working with her for 2 months and had 18 pain free days last month. 18!!! It's kind of a miracle. I haven't had 18 pain free days in years.
At my last appointment she told me her goal was to get me to the point of having a headache once every 2-3 months. I didn't even know what to say to that. "Does that sound good?" she said. "That sounds astounding," I said.
Good days make the bad days worse. It's weird, actually. I would have thought that any good days would be great. That I'd be happy if I could just get 2 or 3 in a row. But getting a taste of good days makes the bad days feel a thousand times more defeating. So I find myself making a greater effort to be positive and hopeful, to exercise my faith as I face what is inevitably a very long road to getting all this pain under control. But 18 days. Wow.
Cub O Ree
We survived another Cub O Ree. Holy cow Cub O Ree is so much work. The kitchen looked horrible last week as we worked every night, cutting drilling and assembling catapults. Sawdust on the floor, on the table - ugh. The girls asked me if we were ever going to eat at the table again.
But we did it. Chad did a ton of work helping me get ready. We had a great turn out. Friday night we got over 90 boys through the Engineering class and they passed off everything that needed to be done to complete that activity.
I worried about Saturday. We had to run two booths this year, and I was nervous that we wouldn't have any help. I was proven so very wrong. There was someone from every ward there during their assigned time to help us staff those booths. It was awesome.
We went to lunch on Saturday after the event was over and I was talking to Chad about different booths we could do next year. "Why are we talking about this now?"chad asked.
"I just think we should do some new stuff next year."
"It's a year away. We haven't even unpacked the car yet."
So true. But I still had my scout shirt on and when you've got the shirt on you just keep thinking.
Warm Air
The air conditioner broke last Friday. Chad came home early to help me with Cub O Ree and it was 82 in the house. He started trying to figure out what was wrong. Chad and I said a few snippy things to each other. Then the AC repair guy came out and had the thing fixed in about 5 mins. Some part in the outdoor unit had gone bad. "It's normal," Repair guy says. "They wear out. You have to replace them every 20 years or so."
Every 20 years? Or 6. This AC is 6 years old. The 20 year part wore out in 6 years. Sigh. Of course it did.
5 mins. $450.
Ice
The icemaker in the fridge broke recently too. When I called to schedule the repair they asked me if I was sure it was broken. "Well I'm not SURE, but now instead of making ice it just spits water out all over the inside of the freezer. That water freezes and I have to use a metal spatula to scrape it out." I'm no expert, but I'd call that broken.
First we just tried to live without ice. That lasted about a week. You don't realize how much you use something until you don't have it.
Then we bought bagged ice for a couple of weeks. That wasn't bad. But bagged ice doesn't regenerate itself, which is a bummer.
Finally I got around to calling the repair man. He came. It took him about 5 mins to fix it. It cost...
Oh you guessed it $450.
I'm sensing a theme here.
So to tie this all up...I'm looking forward to a life of managed pain in which I will not have to plan major cub scout events and will be able to sit in a cool house, sipping iced beverages.
Hmmm...all that writing and I don't think it made a dent in my writer's block. But if I wait 5 mins, I'll probably pay myself $450, so that's something.
Love,
Your mother
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