Charity vs. Safety
Grace is doing safety patrol at school this week, which means going early and staying late, so the girls are not walking with their usual group. I find myself reassured by the safety of a larger group, so we've been dropping them off at school and in the afternoon I've been walking over to pick them up.
Yesterday, as Brynn and I sat in the shade of the meeting-spot tree a girl approached us, flyer in hand, and asked us if we had seen her cat. She had a flyer. She looked sad. I think she really did lose her cat and was on a mission to find it.
However...
I've long thought that because my children are sweet, if someone asked them to help find a lost puppy, or a lost cat, they would walk right off with that person. So we've had the "if someone asks you to help them look for their puppy you don't go with them" conversation about 100 times. Thought it couldn't hurt to have it once more, so after the girl walked off I said to Brynn:
"What if that girl asked you to come with her and help find her cat?"
"I'd tell her I have to ask my mom first."
"What if she said, 'If you won't help me, then you are mean'?"
"I'd say I'm sorry, but my mom told me to wait right here."
"What if she started crying?"
"I'd say I'm sorry, but I have to wait here."
"Good, and if you ever feel really nervous about something, you should go into the office and call me."
Grace walked up not 30 seconds later, sat down and said "Mom, I think I need to go help that girl look for her cat."
So I repeated the conversation with Grace, but her thoughtful 10 year old brain had some questions the simply obedient brain of a 6 year old doesn't have.
"But I thought we are supposed to help people..."
"You're right we are, but we also have to be careful."
"But she was a kid."
Brynn pipes up "Bad guys can try to trick kids."
"And they would use kids to trick you?" Grace said.
"I don't know," I said. "Maybe they might."
"But Mom," Grace counters " I really want to help her."
"I know you do. And I do too. But how can we help her and still think about keeping ourselves safe?"
What followed was a really interesting conversation about ways you can help people besides going with them to look for the cat. Lots of good ideas came out of those two little happy souls. You can pray for her, you can take an extra flyer if she has one, you can write down the phone number off the flyer then you can keep your eyes open for the cat and call her if you see it, if you see the cat you can try to catch the cat and call her to come and get it...
Lots of good ideas about how to balance being safe with being kind. It made me think. You hear a lot about what a terrible world we live in, how things are bad and how people are unkind, how it isn't as safe as it used to be "when we were kids." I suspect some of us remember the "old days" more fondly than they really were, but even if all those things are true, even if the world is brimming with evil there is still the desire for kindness. There are still kind souls in the world, good people who desire to help others and there are lots of ways to be kind and charitable.
It is possible to balance charity and safety and that felt like a rather profound lesson for a sunny, autumn afternoon.
Yesterday, as Brynn and I sat in the shade of the meeting-spot tree a girl approached us, flyer in hand, and asked us if we had seen her cat. She had a flyer. She looked sad. I think she really did lose her cat and was on a mission to find it.
However...
I've long thought that because my children are sweet, if someone asked them to help find a lost puppy, or a lost cat, they would walk right off with that person. So we've had the "if someone asks you to help them look for their puppy you don't go with them" conversation about 100 times. Thought it couldn't hurt to have it once more, so after the girl walked off I said to Brynn:
"What if that girl asked you to come with her and help find her cat?"
"I'd tell her I have to ask my mom first."
"What if she said, 'If you won't help me, then you are mean'?"
"I'd say I'm sorry, but my mom told me to wait right here."
"What if she started crying?"
"I'd say I'm sorry, but I have to wait here."
"Good, and if you ever feel really nervous about something, you should go into the office and call me."
Grace walked up not 30 seconds later, sat down and said "Mom, I think I need to go help that girl look for her cat."
So I repeated the conversation with Grace, but her thoughtful 10 year old brain had some questions the simply obedient brain of a 6 year old doesn't have.
"But I thought we are supposed to help people..."
"You're right we are, but we also have to be careful."
"But she was a kid."
Brynn pipes up "Bad guys can try to trick kids."
"And they would use kids to trick you?" Grace said.
"I don't know," I said. "Maybe they might."
"But Mom," Grace counters " I really want to help her."
"I know you do. And I do too. But how can we help her and still think about keeping ourselves safe?"
What followed was a really interesting conversation about ways you can help people besides going with them to look for the cat. Lots of good ideas came out of those two little happy souls. You can pray for her, you can take an extra flyer if she has one, you can write down the phone number off the flyer then you can keep your eyes open for the cat and call her if you see it, if you see the cat you can try to catch the cat and call her to come and get it...
Lots of good ideas about how to balance being safe with being kind. It made me think. You hear a lot about what a terrible world we live in, how things are bad and how people are unkind, how it isn't as safe as it used to be "when we were kids." I suspect some of us remember the "old days" more fondly than they really were, but even if all those things are true, even if the world is brimming with evil there is still the desire for kindness. There are still kind souls in the world, good people who desire to help others and there are lots of ways to be kind and charitable.
It is possible to balance charity and safety and that felt like a rather profound lesson for a sunny, autumn afternoon.
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