Sure, make fun of the little guy with his ONE eye! (AKA Grace's Surgery)
At the end of last year Grace starting getting this funny bump just under the eyebrow of her left eye. It was there for a while. I tried picking at it, but to no avail. Then it started to grow like gangbusters and turn black and Chad and I got nervous. So we put on our "it's no big deal" faces and got Grace to the pediatrician.
He agreed it was weird, but it had a couple of really good things going for it. 1) It did not appear to be attached to the bone. (Apparently things attached to your bone are bad. I could have guessed that, but its now been medically confirmed.) 2) It was almost perfectly circular (irregular shaped growths, like things attached to your bone, means it's bad).
The doc thought it was nothing to worry about, probably just a cyst, but said we should have it removed to be sure. It was not going to go away on its own. So he gave us the name of a surgeon and we left relived and not relieved all at the same time.
Fast forward to the appointment with the surgeon, he agrees that is it probably not life threatening, but should come out. He will go across her eyelid, he says, to hide the scarring in the natural fold of her eyelid and get it out. We'll send it to pathology and be sure its nothing. It should take about 2 hours.
Sometime during this conversation Grace got wind that we were talking about her and that she was going to have surgery. It was two weeks between our appointment and the surgery and she was clearly nervous. So we started praying, praying for her and that it really would turn out to be nothing, if that was the Lord's will, but mostly we prayed Grace calm. Help her survive the two weeks of waiting. And He did.
Surgery School
As part of the effort to help her, we took her to surgery school at Primary Children's Medical Center. Best thing ever, that surgery school. Gives them a very clear idea of what to expect. They tour the hospital and see where they will be, they learn about hospital pajamas and gas masks and ivs. They meet nurses who are all smiles and kindness. They see step by step by step what they will experience when they come to the hospital. It takes all the fear of the unknown out of what's happening. In fact we walked out of the hospital and Brynn says to me, "it's not fair you know, I want to get surgery. Grace gets to do everything." Oh the inequities of life...
A Family Fast
I thought long and hard about who to tell. Finally I decided the week before that we needed to fast for Grace and I emailed our immediate family - brothers and sisters, moms and dads and asked them to fast with us the day before. Specifically, I sent this email:
Hi everyone,
Hope this email finds you all well. I'm writing with a bit of news. Some of you already know, Grace has a cyst growing in the brow line above her left eye. It has been there for a number of months, but has started to grow quite rapidly and seems to be getting darker. The pediatrician and surgeon both feel very confident that it is just a cyst. Two characteristics contribute to this confidence 1) it has clearly defined edges and 2) it does not appear to be attached to the bone. Still because it is in a prominent place, getting bigger, darker, and will never go away on its own, and to confirm that it is indeed just a cyst, they would like to take it out.
She's scheduled to have surgery next Friday, April 8th. We feel confident that all will be well, but Grace is very nervous.
The surgery is scheduled as an out patient procedure, but does require general anesthesia. They are going to go in across her eyelid and remove the cyst from under her brow. That will hopefully hide the scaring in the fold of her eyelid otherwise she'll grow up with a big scar across her eyebrow. She'll have several stitches and a big old black eye when she's done. A few days of recuperating at home and probably back to school on Monday.
It's a bit of a weird time with General Conference and our fast Sunday isn't until after her surgery. So we'd like to fast for her on Thursday, April 7th the day before her surgery, and if you are so inclined, we'd like to invite you to join us. We're praying for the procedure to go well and for everyone involved, especially Grace, to be confident and calm.
We love you all. Hope things are good with each of you. I'll send an update after her surgery. Thanks for helping us on this.
Love,
Lisa
This will shock you, what with my public blog and all, but I tend to be private about big challenges we are facing. I don't want to involve people unnecessarily or get attention, but I felt like we could use the help fasting and these are the people who love us the most, so asking for their help seemed right.
I got back emails from almost everyone expressing their love and concern and their complete willingness to help.
The Night Before
The night before her surgery, we went to dinner with Mike and Denise. We arrived a little late and before we got out of the car, Grace climbed out of her seat and put her hand on my shoulder. "Mom," she said in a voice so tiny, I could hardly hear her, "what if I die?"
I turned around and looked at my sweet baby and watched as big tears ran out of her tiny eyes. I pulled her as close as I could to me, in the awkward position of the car. She buried her head in my neck and just sobbed. She's so tough because she keeps all her emotions bottled up, until she literally just bursts. We talked for quite a while about how much Heavenly Father loved her. I told her about the family fast and explained what fasting means. I told her that we fasted, specifically so she would be calm and not be scared. I told her we had her name in the temple. And I told her how much Dad and I loved her and how we wouldn't do something, unless we thought it was the right thing.
I held her close to me and tried to comfort her. We decided to put our heads together and say a quiet prayer. After dinner, we went to Grandma and Grandpa Christensen's house and Mike and Chad gave her a blessing.
When we took her home, she insisted on staying up late, so she would have an easier time going to sleep for her surgery. I'm still amazed at what kids don't understand. No matter how many times I tried to explain that she doesn't have to make herself go to sleep, that they have medicine for that, she just didn't get it. So I let her cuddle up with me in my bed and I held her close and stroked her hair.
I found out later that at the last possible moment she could eat, Chad let her sneak out of bed and they sat together at the kitchen table and ate a donut. Now, that's a loving Daddy.
Surgery Day
Surgery day came and Grace's biggest issue was how hungry and thirsty she was, but she was the calmest I've ever seen her. We arrived at the hospital and registered. We got her into her hospital jammies and met with the nurse. They suggested, based on how well Grace seemed to be doing, that we not give her the anti-anxiety meds they had planned (versed). We asked her and she said, she didn't need it, so we didn't do it. We kept her busy taking picttures and texting all the grandparents. Chad brought his iPad and she watched the Karate Kid until it was time to go.
We met with the anesthesiologist and when it came time to leave us she looked at him and said "Ok then, let's go."
"You are the most eager patient I've had all day," he replied.
I literally had to remind her to hug us.
A mini-meltdown
I'd been ok all day. Nervous, but not panicked, but when I watched her walk away from me, I got extremely overwhelmed for a few minutes. I felt a literal flurry of fear overtake my mind. What if after terrible what if. And then I stopped and told myself no. No, you will not overreact when every feeling, every whispering of the Spirit tells you this will be completely fine. No, you will not worry and panic when your 9 year old daughter was able to face this without so much as a sniffle. You will trust the Lord. You will have faith. You will sit here and you will be fine, you hear me? Fine.
So I did. I sat and exercised my faith. And they don't call it exercise for nothing. My faith muscles were extremely worn out after this episode. Sometimes I forget that faith is work, but it is, sometimes really hard work.
Chad brought me a coke and we sat and talked about nonsense. And then 40 mins into the procedure I saw the surgeon come in the waiting room and if he hadn't been smiling I absolutely would have fallen to pieces. (I was expecting 2 hours, remember.) "All done," he said. "Really, really easy. Let's go talk."
And he told us how well it went and how easy it was to get the mass out. It came out in one piece, no problem. It did have a little blood supply running to it, which is probably why it was so dark. He'd never seen anything like it and he really wanted to cut it open, but he didn't. He sent it whole to pathology. "It was so weird," he said "almost like a BB right under her skin. But we got it and it doesn't look like any malignancy I've ever seen. She should be fine."
The pathology report, which came back 10 days after the procedure, confirmed that the cyst is not a cyst, but a tumor. (Differences between a cyst and a tumor to be explained as soon as one of my children goes to medical school.) The tumor was called a pilomatricoma, a small tumor often found where there are hair follicles. It was benign, so removing it should be the end of our issues. The doctor does not expect it to reappear.
Waking Up
We waited for what felt like forever. I knew she was fine, but I just wanted to get my hands on her. Finally they called us to go back and see her. I went alone, since they only allow one person back at a time. When I finally found her curtain amid the rat maze of the recovery room, I was treated to a huge Grace smile. "She woke up smiling!" the nurse said. "She's the most darling girl."
Oh she really, really is. I put my face down close to hers and kissed her on the cheek and she put her arm around my neck and pulled me in close. " I didn't even die, Mom."
"I told you, you wouldn't."
"Yep, you were right."
These are the moments when I understand that crazy line from Where the Wild Things Are - "I'll eat you up, I love you so."
She woke up really well. She was talking extremal loud as she tried to come out of all the drugs, but she was happy. Happy and very concerned about a baby crying somewhere in the recovery room. "That's so sad! You should go take care of her, Mom. I'm fine."
"No, love. I'm here to take care of you."
"I'm fine. That is one sad baby."
In no time at all they moved her to the longer term recovery room where Chad joined us and she downed a massive orange slushy in no time at all. At every turn people told me how beautiful she was, how sweet, how well she was doing.
And in just another hour, after watching a couple episodes of Say Yes to the Dress, Grace was propped up in a wheelchair and we were wheeling our way to the car. She felt a bit weird for the rest of the day and looked like she would get really sick for a few minutes, but all in all it was a good day.
Once I finally got the pathology results, I sent the following email to our faithful group of family fasters:
Hi all,
I realize that I haven't yet sent out an update on Grace, so I wanted to close out this story. Grace had her surgery as scheduled and though she was very, very upset the night before, the day of the actual procedure she was completely calm, so much so they recommended she not have the versed (that pre-surgery anti-anxiety medication) and she literally walked back into the operating room on her own. When it came time to separate from us she said 'ok, see you later." We had to remind her to hug us.
They predicted 1.5 - 2 hours for the surgery and it took about 40 mins start to finish. They got the entire growth out in one piece. The incision was so tiny and didn't go across her eyelid like the planned. The bruising ended up being very minimal as well.
When I walked back to see her in the recovery room, the nurse said "she woke up smiling." Literally, the only thing that could have made it go more smoothly would have been not having to do it at all.
We have since heard back on the pathology report. It was a small tumor, but benign one. They got it all. It has a long and difficult name, which I have written downstairs, but don't feel like getting right now. Essentially, it was a little tumor that often grows in areas where there are hair follicles. We have one more follow up visit, just to look at the incision, but are not anticipating any issues.
I really can't say thank you enough for your fasting and prayers in her behalf. We feel extremely blessed that it went so well and know that it is a direct result of the collective faith and prayers of our family.
Hopefully we are now done with weirdness, but if something else pops up this will be the first group we ask to pray for us.
Hope you are all well.
Much love,
Lisa
I wouldn't choose to do it again, but it was definitely a faith building experience. Another reminder that the Lord loves us, He loves Grace and we are truly blessed. But in truth, I really could use a weirdness break, faith is both awesome and exhausting.
He agreed it was weird, but it had a couple of really good things going for it. 1) It did not appear to be attached to the bone. (Apparently things attached to your bone are bad. I could have guessed that, but its now been medically confirmed.) 2) It was almost perfectly circular (irregular shaped growths, like things attached to your bone, means it's bad).
The doc thought it was nothing to worry about, probably just a cyst, but said we should have it removed to be sure. It was not going to go away on its own. So he gave us the name of a surgeon and we left relived and not relieved all at the same time.
Fast forward to the appointment with the surgeon, he agrees that is it probably not life threatening, but should come out. He will go across her eyelid, he says, to hide the scarring in the natural fold of her eyelid and get it out. We'll send it to pathology and be sure its nothing. It should take about 2 hours.
Sometime during this conversation Grace got wind that we were talking about her and that she was going to have surgery. It was two weeks between our appointment and the surgery and she was clearly nervous. So we started praying, praying for her and that it really would turn out to be nothing, if that was the Lord's will, but mostly we prayed Grace calm. Help her survive the two weeks of waiting. And He did.
Surgery School
 |
| trying on her mask at surgery school |
A Family Fast
I thought long and hard about who to tell. Finally I decided the week before that we needed to fast for Grace and I emailed our immediate family - brothers and sisters, moms and dads and asked them to fast with us the day before. Specifically, I sent this email:
Hi everyone,
Hope this email finds you all well. I'm writing with a bit of news. Some of you already know, Grace has a cyst growing in the brow line above her left eye. It has been there for a number of months, but has started to grow quite rapidly and seems to be getting darker. The pediatrician and surgeon both feel very confident that it is just a cyst. Two characteristics contribute to this confidence 1) it has clearly defined edges and 2) it does not appear to be attached to the bone. Still because it is in a prominent place, getting bigger, darker, and will never go away on its own, and to confirm that it is indeed just a cyst, they would like to take it out.
She's scheduled to have surgery next Friday, April 8th. We feel confident that all will be well, but Grace is very nervous.
The surgery is scheduled as an out patient procedure, but does require general anesthesia. They are going to go in across her eyelid and remove the cyst from under her brow. That will hopefully hide the scaring in the fold of her eyelid otherwise she'll grow up with a big scar across her eyebrow. She'll have several stitches and a big old black eye when she's done. A few days of recuperating at home and probably back to school on Monday.
It's a bit of a weird time with General Conference and our fast Sunday isn't until after her surgery. So we'd like to fast for her on Thursday, April 7th the day before her surgery, and if you are so inclined, we'd like to invite you to join us. We're praying for the procedure to go well and for everyone involved, especially Grace, to be confident and calm.
We love you all. Hope things are good with each of you. I'll send an update after her surgery. Thanks for helping us on this.
Love,
Lisa
This will shock you, what with my public blog and all, but I tend to be private about big challenges we are facing. I don't want to involve people unnecessarily or get attention, but I felt like we could use the help fasting and these are the people who love us the most, so asking for their help seemed right.
I got back emails from almost everyone expressing their love and concern and their complete willingness to help.
The Night Before
The night before her surgery, we went to dinner with Mike and Denise. We arrived a little late and before we got out of the car, Grace climbed out of her seat and put her hand on my shoulder. "Mom," she said in a voice so tiny, I could hardly hear her, "what if I die?"
I turned around and looked at my sweet baby and watched as big tears ran out of her tiny eyes. I pulled her as close as I could to me, in the awkward position of the car. She buried her head in my neck and just sobbed. She's so tough because she keeps all her emotions bottled up, until she literally just bursts. We talked for quite a while about how much Heavenly Father loved her. I told her about the family fast and explained what fasting means. I told her that we fasted, specifically so she would be calm and not be scared. I told her we had her name in the temple. And I told her how much Dad and I loved her and how we wouldn't do something, unless we thought it was the right thing.
I held her close to me and tried to comfort her. We decided to put our heads together and say a quiet prayer. After dinner, we went to Grandma and Grandpa Christensen's house and Mike and Chad gave her a blessing.
When we took her home, she insisted on staying up late, so she would have an easier time going to sleep for her surgery. I'm still amazed at what kids don't understand. No matter how many times I tried to explain that she doesn't have to make herself go to sleep, that they have medicine for that, she just didn't get it. So I let her cuddle up with me in my bed and I held her close and stroked her hair.
I found out later that at the last possible moment she could eat, Chad let her sneak out of bed and they sat together at the kitchen table and ate a donut. Now, that's a loving Daddy.
 |
| hospital jammies |
Surgery day came and Grace's biggest issue was how hungry and thirsty she was, but she was the calmest I've ever seen her. We arrived at the hospital and registered. We got her into her hospital jammies and met with the nurse. They suggested, based on how well Grace seemed to be doing, that we not give her the anti-anxiety meds they had planned (versed). We asked her and she said, she didn't need it, so we didn't do it. We kept her busy taking picttures and texting all the grandparents. Chad brought his iPad and she watched the Karate Kid until it was time to go.
We met with the anesthesiologist and when it came time to leave us she looked at him and said "Ok then, let's go."
"You are the most eager patient I've had all day," he replied.
I literally had to remind her to hug us.
A mini-meltdown
I'd been ok all day. Nervous, but not panicked, but when I watched her walk away from me, I got extremely overwhelmed for a few minutes. I felt a literal flurry of fear overtake my mind. What if after terrible what if. And then I stopped and told myself no. No, you will not overreact when every feeling, every whispering of the Spirit tells you this will be completely fine. No, you will not worry and panic when your 9 year old daughter was able to face this without so much as a sniffle. You will trust the Lord. You will have faith. You will sit here and you will be fine, you hear me? Fine.
So I did. I sat and exercised my faith. And they don't call it exercise for nothing. My faith muscles were extremely worn out after this episode. Sometimes I forget that faith is work, but it is, sometimes really hard work.
Chad brought me a coke and we sat and talked about nonsense. And then 40 mins into the procedure I saw the surgeon come in the waiting room and if he hadn't been smiling I absolutely would have fallen to pieces. (I was expecting 2 hours, remember.) "All done," he said. "Really, really easy. Let's go talk."
 |
| blanket sniffing - same strategy since 6 months old |
The pathology report, which came back 10 days after the procedure, confirmed that the cyst is not a cyst, but a tumor. (Differences between a cyst and a tumor to be explained as soon as one of my children goes to medical school.) The tumor was called a pilomatricoma, a small tumor often found where there are hair follicles. It was benign, so removing it should be the end of our issues. The doctor does not expect it to reappear.
 |
| happiness and a post-op thumbs up! |
Waking Up
We waited for what felt like forever. I knew she was fine, but I just wanted to get my hands on her. Finally they called us to go back and see her. I went alone, since they only allow one person back at a time. When I finally found her curtain amid the rat maze of the recovery room, I was treated to a huge Grace smile. "She woke up smiling!" the nurse said. "She's the most darling girl."
Oh she really, really is. I put my face down close to hers and kissed her on the cheek and she put her arm around my neck and pulled me in close. " I didn't even die, Mom."
"I told you, you wouldn't."
"Yep, you were right."
These are the moments when I understand that crazy line from Where the Wild Things Are - "I'll eat you up, I love you so."
She woke up really well. She was talking extremal loud as she tried to come out of all the drugs, but she was happy. Happy and very concerned about a baby crying somewhere in the recovery room. "That's so sad! You should go take care of her, Mom. I'm fine."
"No, love. I'm here to take care of you."
"I'm fine. That is one sad baby."
In no time at all they moved her to the longer term recovery room where Chad joined us and she downed a massive orange slushy in no time at all. At every turn people told me how beautiful she was, how sweet, how well she was doing.
And in just another hour, after watching a couple episodes of Say Yes to the Dress, Grace was propped up in a wheelchair and we were wheeling our way to the car. She felt a bit weird for the rest of the day and looked like she would get really sick for a few minutes, but all in all it was a good day.
Once I finally got the pathology results, I sent the following email to our faithful group of family fasters:
I realize that I haven't yet sent out an update on Grace, so I wanted to close out this story. Grace had her surgery as scheduled and though she was very, very upset the night before, the day of the actual procedure she was completely calm, so much so they recommended she not have the versed (that pre-surgery anti-anxiety medication) and she literally walked back into the operating room on her own. When it came time to separate from us she said 'ok, see you later." We had to remind her to hug us.
They predicted 1.5 - 2 hours for the surgery and it took about 40 mins start to finish. They got the entire growth out in one piece. The incision was so tiny and didn't go across her eyelid like the planned. The bruising ended up being very minimal as well.
When I walked back to see her in the recovery room, the nurse said "she woke up smiling." Literally, the only thing that could have made it go more smoothly would have been not having to do it at all.
We have since heard back on the pathology report. It was a small tumor, but benign one. They got it all. It has a long and difficult name, which I have written downstairs, but don't feel like getting right now. Essentially, it was a little tumor that often grows in areas where there are hair follicles. We have one more follow up visit, just to look at the incision, but are not anticipating any issues.
I really can't say thank you enough for your fasting and prayers in her behalf. We feel extremely blessed that it went so well and know that it is a direct result of the collective faith and prayers of our family.
Hopefully we are now done with weirdness, but if something else pops up this will be the first group we ask to pray for us.
Hope you are all well.
Much love,
Lisa
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