To sleep, perchance to dream.

 

Grace (5 yrs old) the sleeping cowgirl

Sleep has always come easily for this one. She lays down and she's out. If only I were like that. But alas, I'm not. Not at all. 

For Grace: head + pillow = out/crashed/zonked

For me: head + pillow = thinking/pondering/wondering

Very little sleep for me lately. Many nights of tossing and turning. Dozing and waking. Until finally last night when sleep just wouldn't come at all. 

So I wondered around the house in the dark, which I never do because I'm scared of the dark. 

That's right - confession - I am 32 years old and scared of the dark. 

Well, not really. I just have a super active imaginiation, so I can fill the dark with scary things. So I'm really 32 years old and scared of what my own mind can conjur up. 

I'm 32 and scared of myself. 

Anyway...

Last night I made a discovery - there's a lot of light in the house at night. The alarm clocks glow. The clocks on the stove and microwave give off faint beams. The light on the fridge's in-door ice maker is like a beacon for the mothership. 

Last night I checked on my sleeping babies and then stood in my front windows at 2 AM looking out into the quiet street. Everything was quiet and still. The street light was doing its job keeping my little street well lit. It was all quite peaceful.

I wanted to enjoy it. 

I wanted to stand at the window and memorize every detail, but the darkness kept creeping up behind me. 

I couldn't quiet my mind. The dark isn't always filled with monsters. Sometimes the dark is just filled. I stood thinking about work, about writing, about taxes, about taking the kids clothes shopping, about the car registration, about laundry that needs to get done and bills that need to get paid. Madness.

Finally, late late late I drifted off and when I woke up this morning I realized what an opportunity I wasted. I should have been writing. I should have sat at the window and sketched every detail out in words. I should have put the dark down on paper. 

So I resolved that tonight when the darkness comes, I'm going to write about it. See if I can capture the ideas instead of pushing them aside. See if I can leaverage my insomnia for the benefit of my art :)

Unless of course, I'm actually able to go to sleep. Because in a fight between sleep and art, well, my money is on sleep every time. 

After all, art is kind of a glass jaw and sleep has that mad right hook.